It’s Alright to Feel Overwhelmed, Confused and Heart Broken

Baby it's alright

Sometimes it is just there. The not-knowing, the confusion, the overwhelm and the heart break.   It’s alright, baby. Nothing to fix or heal. Nothing to push away or avoid.   You know, we cannot always be the strong and certain about each step to take. There’s no game we have to play, no mask we should put on. We can be real. Even when that includes tears streaming down your cheeks, leaving black traces of your earlier carefully applied mascara. Let the image people have of you, and maybe more the one you have of yourself, crumble. You’re not here to fit a mold, to keep up appearances.   The invitation that your soul and heart brought along is …

Continue reading

What I learned in the year after breaking up my long-term relationship

What I learned in the year after breaking up my long-term relationship

Once we thought we would stay together for life. And in a way, we will, since we have three daughters. But not in a romantic relationship. About twelve months ago we broke up. It felt like facing my deepest fears. It felt like dying. And maybe I did in a way, as the last year transformed me completely. No more happily ever after We were so convinced we were going to make it through life together. Even though I got pregnant only months after we met, we hardly had any money, and I didn’t finish studying. I never had a long-term relationship before. I never was pregnant before. It all felt so new. He was my rock to depend on. …

Continue reading

(Video) What is Emotional Availability Anyway?

The false belief that women don’t like sex (and the ones who do are scary)

In my last article, I spoke about being tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men. I received many questions about the topic. What do I want from men? Is it all his fault? And most of all: what does it mean, to be emotionally available of unavailable? To me, emotional unavailability is not, like, a judgment towards this particular man (and men before him). But a mismatch in what our desires are when it comes to emotional/physical/etc availability. And that mismatch, because I wanted more than he, felt like a lack/unavailability to me. What I want to say, is that the amount of availability we all need differs and that it can feel like unavailability to the one with the larger desire …

Continue reading

(Video) I’m so Tired of Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

Tired of Attracting Emotional Unavailable Men

Originally posted on Elephant Journal. Dear Lover, Or should I say former lover? Ex-lover? I thought that when I let go of you, I was letting go of love: Of that luscious feeling of being held in a warm blanket of never-ending cuddles and soft, smooching kisses, of butterflies, and feeling as blissful as I did looking into your eyes. But you know what happened? It feels like I lifted those rose-tinted glasses from my eyes and see the world more like it is: You and me as the people who we are in this moment—and not the fantasy I had of who we could be together. It happens, right? That when two people meet they only see the beauty in each other. …

Continue reading

(Poem #19) Today I Choose

today I choose to live

Today I choose to bow my head from respect instead of ignorance, as I acknowledge all that is happening as an opportunity for growth, even if it’s unpleasant. Today I choose pain over suffering, as it is my choice to hold on to whatever hurts me – or to feel and let go. Today I choose to dance and sing, as it frees me more than it scares me. Today I choose to be gentle and soft with myself, as I realize it’s my responsibility to take care of me. Today I choose courage over fear, as walking the unknown path is more exciting than sitting still in a safe haven. Today I choose love over hate, as opening my …

Continue reading

Unlocking Your Potential

Unlocking Your Potential

Two and a half day of a clear schedule. No kids, no sessions, no workshops, but for me in my little refuge to work on creative new ideas I had. A rarity and I was looking forward to it a lot. I made myself a cup of tea, grabbed all my colored pens and a large white sheet of paper, sat down, and nothing happened. Well, some things did happen: my body felt a bit tensed. My shoulders hunched, and my mind was both pushing me start ‘being productive’ as well as trying to find any possible distraction. Automatically I grabbed my phone, as an almost unconscious voice in my head told me my friend might have sent me that …

Continue reading

(Poem #18) You There in the Mirror

You there in the mirror

Hey you, you there in the mirror, Reflecting me in all my facets. Sparkling painfully bright, Hurting my eyes And my heart. And yes, it cracks further open Allowing more light But casting darker shadows I didn’t see before. Hey you, you there in the mirror, My own reflection Or your own person reminding me Of all the flaws and perfection But most of all: The courage that it takes to be alive This neverending alchemistic process Of turning anything into gold. It’s true. Everything can turn into gold, and gold can turn into anything. Let’s celebrate the pain and the joy The bliss and despair But most of all acknowledge that courage To take another step, To tumble down …

Continue reading

Dear Lover (Letter to my Beloved)

Dear Lover

Dear Lover, Please allow me to bare my naked soul for you – once again. As we dive deep into this connection of body, mind and all that comes with it, it’s easy to get lost in projections and ideas. Assuming that we both want the same – but do we? When words are unspoken and unwritten, we can believe we know what’s going around in each other’s heads as if we were one. But we are not, and I hope we never will be. Because I would love to get lost with you, though never want to lose myself in you. See, I don’t need that prince who comes to save me. I don’t want that King who caresses …

Continue reading

Let There Be Spaces in Your Togetherness

Togetherness

Let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but each one of you be alone – even as the strings of a lute are alone though the quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not in each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: …

Continue reading

How Many of Your Friends Did You See – Naked?

Naked

Naked. Think about it: How many of your dearest friends have seen you naked? Of how many of your closest friends to you know if they have a soft skin? Or moles on their bellies, or freckles of their shoulders? How many of your closest family members have you seen naked? Do you know the shape of their breasts, or where they have hair? Have you ever seen their scars? Do you even know how they really feel about their bodies? Have you ever held them really close? Have you ever been held by them really close? I’m glowing right now. The afterglow of an evening with three friends, where we massaged each other. Six hands on one body. Naked. …

Continue reading