The emotional and spiritual benefits of deepthroating

She looked up at the man standing in front of her. His eyes were filled with predator-like desire. She allowed her eyes to linger over his bare chest, following the trail of dark hairs from his belly button into his jeans. With a strong hand under her chin he lifted her head, locked her eyes with his gaze. Without losing eye-contact, he slowly unbuttoned his fly with his other hand. She could feel the heat coming from his groins, as she sat on her knees only centimeters away from his cock.

He lowered his pants slowly until his cock sprung out, touching her lips. “Open your mouth”, he said. She licked her lips, lubricating her mouth as she was well aware of his next movement. With both hands he took hold of her hair and held her firmly. Slowly he moved his pelvis forward. His cock slid slowly into her mouth. She took a deep breath and relaxed, aware that he was in control now. He groaned as the tip of his cock found some resistance in the back of her mouth. “Relax, baby”, his voice not more than a whisper now.

She relaxed her belly, which apparently was clenched and creating pressure upwards, disabling her throat from opening. With relaxed belly muscles it was easier to also relax her throat, her jaws, and the countless little muscles in her face. He pulled back for a moment, then pushed again, harder and fiercer now. She felt her body contract when his cock almost made her gag. Her mind wanted him out of there, but her body wanted more. As she surrendered to his lead, his hands still tightly wrapped in her hair, pulling her head towards his groins, his cock moving out of her every now and then to let her take a breath, she felt her thoughts slowing down to the point where they completely disappeared. She felt her body turn into a vessel of sensations, her skin tingling and waves of orgastic energy vibrating from her pussy upwards along her spine.

The act of deepthroating can bring more joy than just the erotic experience for the person with the penis. I believe deep throating is a beautiful way to explore both yourself and each other. There’s a lot to learn about you with a cock in your mouth.

Ingredients for joy: trust and surrender

DeepthroatingDeepthroating differs from a regular blowjob as the penis involved moves not just in your oral cavity, but beyond – into your throat. With a larger cock (or a persistent person attached to the cock), it can even go beyond the point where the esophagus and tracheas meet; now you won’t be able to breathe. Which brings us to an important point: if you playfully want to explore this territory, agree upon a certain sign from your side indicating the person with the cock needs to retreat. A code word is of no use when you can’t talk so don’t make it the general BDSM expression ‘red’. Although your head may turn red, you probably won’t be able to say it out loud. Tapping an arm or a bed usually works fine for me; if he’s not reacting you have the full right to squeeze his balls right before you faint.

As a person without a penis I have no idea how it feels to shove a very sensitive body part into a teethed hole, but I suppose there’s a foundation of trust needed there too.

Besides trust, another important ingredient is surrender. Giving a blowjob can be quite an active role (which the ‘giving’ and perhaps also the ‘job’ implies); deepthroating has more of a receiving or allowing quality to it. The only way to have a pleasant experience with a cock deep in your mouth is while surrendering to the experience for both parties. Any resistance results in tension, either in the body or in the mind.

Physical tension disables you from opening your throat and allowing the cock deep in. Also, in my experience, the more tension I have in the muscles of my mouth and throat, the more gag reflexes I get (which may or may not result in actual puking). Relaxing also relaxes the reflex. Tension in your jaws will also cause the jaw muscles to become painful quickly, disabling you from going deep into the experience (unless you’re the masochistic type that enjoys sore muscles).

More than with a blowjob, deepthroating involves juices. Some people feel uncomfortable about it, but you know what? That’s just shame. And shame is something we can learn to let go of. The experience is so much sexier when we don’t mind, don’t care and enjoy whatever happens. Or, when you happen to throw up, have a laugh about it, take a shower and try again (perhaps in that same shower).

The mouth will produce saliva, and in the back of the throat there’s a different kind of it, more thick and dense than regular saliva. Also, usually, I notice tears streaming down my face (and sometimes nose). And yes, it is entirely possible that the gag-reflex ends in throwing up. Just prepare yourself. Have a towel or two nearby and if you use mascara, take a waterproof one. Oh, and don’t deepthroat right after a copious meal.

Emotional release

In many traditions, the throat is related to our energetical centre of communication. The throat chakra stands for self-expression as well as for deep listening. It’s about speaking your truth, expressing your authentic voice and finding that voice beyond conditionings and limitations. About saying ‘no’ to what feels untrue and standing up for what you believe in.

No wonder many of us experience contractions in our throats. Communicating my authentic desires and boundaries is one of the most difficult things I ever experienced. What if people don’t like what I want?

An amazing way to get rid of contractions in the body, is by applying pressure. Think massage or acupressure. De-armoring is a way of applying pressure to contracted parts of the body and welcoming the underlying emotions to come to the surface. Deepthroating is a kind way of de-armoring the throat. It creates openness in both emotional and physical levels. I noticed that opening up the throat (chakra) enables me to feel more powerful in my own shoes, to trust my opinion more and to be better capable of expressing that.

To get there I had to move through a lot of emotions. There was grief for keeping myself small. Sadness for all the times I trusted someone that betrayed that trust. The loneliness I felt as a kid when friends of grownup couldn’t give me the protection I needed. I cried many times while deepthroating. But each time my lover would pull back to give me space to process the emotion, something in me longed to continue the experience. While crying, I would dive back onto him, as if my body longed to be opened deeper.

A spiritual experience

The combination of total surrender, relaxation and opening both physically and emotionally, can create wonderful spiritual experiences. When the thinking part of the mind (including the inner critic, the insecure love addict and the performing porn star) silences, the masks fall of and the only thing that is left are sensations. Just like when I meditate, these are the moments where deep insights penetrate me. I get to understand life. I feel completely happy, present and open. Some call it satori, others call it temporarily enlightenment. I just know that these moments give me a glow that can last for days. Those days I’m totally relaxed, soft, not fighting with my partner or resisting life in any other way. I simply float joyfully through my days – and get a lot more done than usual.

And besides all of that, I think deepthroating is super sexy and exciting, for both participants.

Go and have fun, my friends! Don’t forget to create a code sign for pulling back and do take your time. Cocks and throats are sensitive devices that also serve other indispensable purposes, so be gentle with each other as well as yourself.

And a last remark: practice safer sex, use a condom and inform yourself about STD’s.

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