Fearless living

To live an abundant, loving life, means choosing a life without fear. It must be something we all wish to do. But how can you choose never to fear again? Is that even possible? Fearing fear It’s not fear itself that frightens us most. It’s fearing fear. The vision of going to a dentist is often much worse than the pain we experience once we are in that chair. The vision of facing a group of people is often much worse than the feeling we get when that crowd applauds for us after our speech. We often base our fears on projections. We think other people will think badly of us. The idea new people won’t like us frightens us.…

Continue reading

Ambiguous answering. Or: why it’s so difficult to understand women

Lately I realized that there are at least three ways in which I answer or react to the same question. Very often I’m not aware that I’m so ambiguous. It´s like there are multiple versions of me that answer in their own way. It happens often when my partner and I discuss stuff that includes emotions, like new steps into our open relationship. He might ask me if it´s okay with me for him to go out with a girl. I tell him I´m perfectly fine, I don´t like it and that it´s up to him to decide what he wants to do, all in a couple of minutes within the same conversation. Next thing is that he tries to…

Continue reading

Be brave and live!

It’s not the things we do or experience that confuse us, but our opinions about them. When you are confronted with things that seem weird, tough, difficult or strange… try to look at them with an open mind and an open heart. You might be surprised how life is on the other side. To live without fear or judgement. It’s easy to judge. It’s easy to try to make yourself feel better by being negative about others. But it won’t make you truly happy. It won’t change the situation. It won’t erase the fear. It won’t change your feelings. Each time you encounter a similar situation, similar negative feelings will rise. You will depend on your begative attitude towards others…

Continue reading

Let me show you the world in my eyes

Do you know that song from Depeche Mode? Maybe put it on while you watch at the photos in this blog post… http://youtu.be/fArx9p6oOOU I’ve been going through a time of major changes lately. Having an open relationship confronts me with my fears and insecurities daily. Do I still believe it’s worth going through all this? Yes. Would I want to go back to a monogamous relationship? Definitely not. I found out there is so much old pain and fear hidden in me. I never really loved myself. I never really looked into the mirror and loved the person I saw. Only now I’m letting go of all this shields and defenses, I can find the sparkling diamond within. And I’m…

Continue reading

The Challenges in Polyamory (Or: The Road to Ultimate Freedom)

Having an open relationship is amazing. Your heart opens to many different new connections at a deep level of interacting on the level of the heart. To me an open relationship is all about sharing love. Love can manifest itself in the form of a sexy person, but also as new possible business partners, friends, clients, teachers.  Existing connections switch towards a deeper level. I have learned that by opening my heart I can instantly love someone. But is switching your relationship to an open model just fun and ease? Nope. There are challenges in an open relationship, in living polyamorous. When opening your relationship, be prepared for a journey of unpeeling all the layers you formed over time. You…

Continue reading

Allow yourself to receive

When there’s a friend in need for help, you are there to help out. But can you ask for help when you long for someone to hold your hand? Is it easier to give a present or to receive one? Would you rather clean a friend’s house or ask a friend to clean your house? Can you give sensual pleasure but also receive it with the same ease? In the ideal situation the amount given = the amount received.  When the amount received exceeds the amount given, you withdraw more energy from other people than giving them, leaving others empty and not fulfilled. More often the balance turns to the other side: people tend to give much more than they…

Continue reading

Being a sexual person

Being a sexual person

A journey towards complete freedom Sometimes I meet people who I consider to be sexual persons. They don’t need to have the looks of a catalog model. It’s about their appearance, the vibe they broadcast. First of all, these people are totally comfortable in the body they are in. I’ve seen them in many shapes, from pretty young girls to chubby old men. Both tall and short, thick and thin. They all had in common that they radiated. Without exception, these people are beautiful. Just plain beautiful. They all live a life in which they follow their heart. Whether they have a job in a library, grocery store, having their own companies or are famous. They do the things they…

Continue reading

Healing myself – part 1 and 2

It feels like I’m going through all my chakras to really clear them up from all deep pain and hurt that is still there. Last week on Wednesday Seb and I had our first fight. It was about a misinterpretation of how much we’d tell each other about our openness in relationships. We had an argument but talked things over during the next days and eventually came out stronger than before. But our fight also opened a well of fear. I cried and cried. I felt so unsafe and sad. It was like a major fear from the past wasd triggered. All of a sudden I felt like the little girl in the situations I always had to deal with in…

Continue reading

Open relationships: How much do you tell?

No matter if you keep your open relationship clothes-on or clothes-off, it’s very important to discuss how much you want you and your partner to tell each other. Discuss before practicing! It is very important to have the conversation about how much details you want to share with each other before you start connecting with new people. When you involve yourself into stuff without knowing that your partner really likes to know about new steps you are about to make on beforehand, you have no second chances. If you only tell your partner afterwards, or worse, when your partner finds out afterwards, your partner might never trust you again. Is that worth it? All dirty details What if your partner…

Continue reading

How to take responsibility in difficult situations

I could feel something standing in between my boyfriend and me. I wasn’t sure what exactly caused this tension. But it was there. And it felt pretty nasty. In the past I would have blamed him. I would take offense because of him not putting his shoes where I thought he should put them. Use these minor events to let the tension escalate into a fight. We would both feel bad. Because we didn’t get to the source of the tension, the situation wouldn’t improve. If we’d continue on that path, our relationship would become fragile. That much I learned. So I didn’t blame him. Instead, I took 100% responsibility and held myself, and only myself, responsible for the situation.…

Continue reading