Prayer to the Younger One

Prayer to the Young One

By the time you find love, you may have grown old and grey, and you might look back at your life, wanting you realized so much earlier, when your hair was still bright with color, that the quests for love that you’ve undertaken were fruitless from the beginning. You might wish you could regain all the time, frustration, sorrow and resources you spent on finding love, for now you now it was all wasted. You might wish you wouldn’t have pushed so hard, ran so fast, or believed that there would always be something ‘better’. Better than what? You might wish you’ve had a different life. Breathing a bit more deeply. Enjoying a bit more fully. Experiencing all the sensations …

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Can I be polyamorous and single?

Polyamorous and single

Of course you can. Or at least that’s my opinion. Probably there will be bunches of people no agreeing with me there. And there are many nuances probably. To be able to answer this question for yourself in more than four words, you would have to figure out what polyamory is for you. Is polyamory a sexual orientation? If polyamory is a sexual orientation, just as being gay is considered a sexual orientation, than yes, you can say you are polyamorous, no matter what your relationship status is. Whether you are single, have one lover or a whole harem, you will always be polyamorous. Is polyamory a relationship form? To me, this approach is completely valid, especially if you feel …

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Post break-up: are all my problems solved now?

Emotions after a break-up

I really believed that a break-up would be like a magical point in time where everything would be different after it. Partly that appeared to be true. All the immense fears that I thought I would have to face, didn’t raise their heads. On the contrary: I encountered a deep foundation of inner trust and self-love. On the other hand, the break-up didn’t change a lot of things. There are still the same patterns between me and him. Maybe they are even stronger, as there is nothing to save anymore. And yes, after living in one house for nine years, being single gets lonely sometimes…  

Ending a long-term relationship – 30 days later

Ending a long term relationship – 30 days later

Today it is exactly one month ago that my partner and I decided to break up. We were in a temporary break for two months, after a relationship of almost nine years, including three kids. As the relationship wasn’t serving either of us anymore, we decided to break up. A delicate process of unraveling a lot of patterns, dependencies, projections and assumptions. And not just between my now ex-partner and I, but also between the outer world and I. Patterns in reactions I guess a similar thing happens in all major events in a human life. When a baby is born, when someone has a cold or when a relative dies, we always ask the same questions, or come up …

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Did polyamory kill my relationship?

Did polyamory kill my relationship?

We were the perfect open-relationship-couple for years, being featured on television shows, in magazines and interviews. We proclaimed that jealousy is a teacher on the way, that fear is nothing to be afraid of and that the more people we love, the more love flows. We broke up. And now questions are formed that can be summarized in this question: is this break up proof that non-monogamy doesn’t work? No. I ask you: does a divorce mean that marriage doesn’t work? No. Of course not. The single reason for this break up is that this relationship was doomed from the beginning. Alternative lifestyle shaming When people are living an alternative lifestyle, it’s easy to blame everything that goes wrong on …

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The false belief that women don’t like sex (and the ones who do are scary)

The false belief that women don’t like sex (and the ones who do are scary)

Men seem to have a deep belief that women need to be tricked into sex. In my opinion, from the same belief that women don’t like sex, comes a widespread phenomenon that women who do embrace their sexuality and openly vibrate a sexual invitation are considered scary or intimidating. Over history sexual active women have been shunned. We’ve ended up at the stake for embracing our sexuality as far back as history goes. Calling a woman a whore is nothing new, as well as the more recent term of slut-shaming. What’s the problem? Why is a sexual woman so scary? Why is it safer to believe that women don’t like sex and should be conquered? Maybe it has to do …

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Taking responsibility vs. taking things too personally

Taking responsibility

When you look into a mirror, do you blame the mirror if you don’t like what you see? When you look at a person, do you blame them for how you feel? It’s easy to point a finger to someone else when your reality doesn’t please you. But is it them? Did they cause how you’re feeling? Or were they merely a trigger to something much bigger, something totally unrelated to this moment and this person? It’s an amazing trait to be able to take responsibility for one’s own feelings. To own the traumas and pain that is being touched in the current moment. To even be thankful for the person connecting you to this again and for being a …

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Why I don’t try to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity.

Why I try not to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity. And why you shouldn't too.

And why you shouldn’t too. When I am going through processes of growth, some days are better than others. On good days it’s often not so difficult to love myself. But when days are tougher, and I feel a longing for connection with, or approval from others. I feel needy, afraid and insecure. On top of that i feel judgment: i shouldn’t feel like this. i should be beyond this, I’ve dealt with this. I want to get rid of what I feel. That’s the most counterproductive strategy of dealing with what is going on inside me. I this video I share, on a tough day, how I deal with myself.

Mirrors versus Movie Screens: Do you reflect or project?

Mirrors versus Movie Screens

The people around us are our mirrors: they show us where we are in our stage of personal evolution. It’s something we hear all the time. But I notice that people, me included, tend to use others rather as movie screens onto which we project our reality, instead of looking into the mirror. When someone triggers us It’s easy to see someone as our mirror when that mirror shows us something nice. It can be amazingly uplifting when someone I admire wants to spend time with me. Although it touches upon my insecurity sometimes (‘Why would this person want to spend time with me?’) it is hard to stick to negative thinking too long. I must be nice to be …

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Freedom is not in saving others

Freedom

You can’t make anyone grow. You can’t even make yourself grow. The only thing you can really do is opening your heart. To all the pain, the intensity of life, the heartbreak, the sorrow and the thunder. To the joy, the laughter, the bliss and the ecstasy. You can never force life to bend. It will break. Life can only flow. Life is a current, and you can either swim against, or swim with it. It doesn’t mean you should float. Being passive isn’t going to bring you anywhere, just as only observing your feelings isn’t going to bring you anywhere. Invite. Allow. Join. The deepest thing you can reach is freedom. A free heart without conditionings and programs. You …

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