We Cannot Gain or Loose Anything From Others

Often we are as afraid to let someone in close, as to let someone go. I guess neither have to do anything with the other person. There’s both a longing and a fear of feeling deeply – of being touched deeply. But in essence, there is nothing we can ever gain or loose through connecting with another person. The only thing ‘real’ in life is our experience. The movie created that we perceive through our senses. But everything we perceive, we experience *inside* us. There’s no external experience. Think about it: when you see, touch, hear or smell something, where do you exactly experience it? And so other people are mirrors. Reminders. They remind us of what we long for, …

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Kambo – My Journey with the Frog (part 2)

Kambo frog

You can read about my First Journey with the Frog in this article. The longing to travel again with Kambo resided lingering in the back of my mind. But my horse died, my business asked a lot and there was a lot in general to deal with. Until two friends I have known for years and who had been involved in shamanic ceremonies for ages, invited me for a Kambo ceremony at their place. At cycling distance from my little house in the forest. On a sunny Sunday where my agenda was wide open and empty. Spontaneously I decided to join. The thing with entheogens like Kambo or Ayahuasca is that you always get what you need, not necessarily what …

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Kambo – My Journey with the Frog (part 1)

Kambo frog

My first encounter with Kambo was some months ago. I was having dark days. It was a time of big changes and I felt the call to cleanse my body and soul with more than lemon water and meditation. The relationship I had with the father of my kids ended after nine years. Connections I had with other men disappeared one by one – the cleansing apparently started there already. My focus shifted from a focus on social interactions to finding a new balance as a single mother and upgrading my business. And processing all the things that happened. What does a shaman look like? I was expecting an older, tanned man with black hair. Speaking some kind of Spanish …

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Owning Fear

Owning Fear

When you fear something, it can be tempting not to deal with it by yourself, i.e. to ‘leak’ fear onto others. When we talk about what scares us, do we actually cry for help? Are we leaning onto another, hoping they are a hero, saving us from despair? Maybe we seek recognition for our feelings. Whatever it is we do, we depend on others to get away from our fears. But there’s an invitation. An invitation to embrace fear and keep it. Not to hold it tight forever, but to take responsibility for our fears, to deal with them within ourselves, standing on our own legs. Does that mean we cannot ask for support, safety or empathy? No, we can. …

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The emotional and spiritual benefits of deepthroating

Deepthroating

She looked up at the man standing in front of her. His eyes were filled with predator-like desire. She allowed her eyes to linger over his bare chest, following the trail of dark hairs from his belly button into his jeans. With a strong hand under her chin he lifted her head, locked her eyes with his gaze. Without losing eye-contact, he slowly unbuttoned his fly with his other hand. She could feel the heat coming from his groins, as she sat on her knees only centimeters away from his cock. He lowered his pants slowly until his cock sprung out, touching her lips. “Open your mouth”, he said. She licked her lips, lubricating her mouth as she was well …

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The Problems of a Career based on a Life Purpose

Not so long ago we didn’t have many options when it came to having a career. I guess the word ‘career’ itself wasn’t very well-known. Career. Boys just became what their father was or were sent to a master to learn a craft. Girls found a caring position, either as mother or servant. There were not too many options and although I guess enough people were unhappy with their fate, you did what you had to do. The Shift: Choosing from the Mind Things changed. Education became more widely available. Social classes became less visible and education was open for everyone, until the son of the doctor sat next to the son of the butcher. And then women were also …

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Does this process of personal growth make my life easier?

Personal Growth

So, does this life of investing in personal growth, facing fears, embracing all emotions, letting go of insecurities and things in general and all of that make me a happier person? No. Not in the general accepted sense of the word. Does it make my life easier then? Neither. Lots of people define the quality of their life by the amount of happines and joy they perceive. But that would be accepting only part of the spectrum. You want something, but you actually only want half of it. It’s like wanting to go on holiday and only accepting the days that the sun shines, and cursing when it rains. It’s like wanting pizza and cursing the crust. All the processes …

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The Noble Art of Surrender

Unconditional self love

I think the most beautiful form of art that we can master, is the art of surrender. Of letting go of resistance and accepting circumstances and inner movement on a deep level. We might not always be able to choose the events happening in our lives. But we can choose how to deal with them. Even in the most painful moments beauty is to be found. The heart cracking open, time after time. Love isn’t the only key to your heart. Sadness, grief, despair and bliss are keys too. And when you notice they all open the same doors, that only resistance is the gate-keeper with armor and an angry face, then you can kindly ask resistance to step aside …

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Poem #17: It’s Okay – Today

Hey love, It’s okay – today. While the tears wash clean your face And your smile breaks open your heart Realize. There’s nothing you haven’t done Or have to do That got you – right here. Believe. While sometimes everything seems to crumble Or falls apart Again – Contemplate. It’s not the end, and even if it is It’s just the end We all get there someday Right? But until then and only then This is the live that we create, that we choose Ourselves. And it’s okay – today and tomorrow and then again When the sun comes up Remember. It’s all you and it has nothing to do with you Life living itself and we Passengers. Swimming against …

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Who is the Trump in my life putting pipelines in my holy ground?

There are things I write to publish, but more often I write to process. Sometimes things happen that rummage the peace in my head. And sometimes, certain things happen that create a domino effect. It’s like that one piece of the puzzle that suddenly shows the full picture, even if some pieces are still missing. Sometimes it feels like my insides look like a golf course where the wild boars had a feast. The carefully tended grass is ruined, but the roots underneath are visible now. And not just the roots, but also the seeds of beautiful flowers that never came to sprout because the grass was suffocating them, are now visible. Vulnerable. But they are there. Hesitantly the seeds …

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