Why I don’t try to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity.

Why I try not to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity. And why you shouldn't too.

And why you shouldn’t too. When I am going through processes of growth, some days are better than others. On good days it’s often not so difficult to love myself. But when days are tougher, and I feel a longing for connection with, or approval from others. I feel needy, afraid and insecure. On top of that i feel judgment: i shouldn’t feel like this. i should be beyond this, I’ve dealt with this. I want to get rid of what I feel. That’s the most counterproductive strategy of dealing with what is going on inside me. I this video I share, on a tough day, how I deal with myself.

Mirrors versus Movie Screens: Do you reflect or project?

Mirrors versus Movie Screens

The people around us are our mirrors: they show us where we are in our stage of personal evolution. It’s something we hear all the time. But I notice that people, me included, tend to use others rather as movie screens onto which we project our reality, instead of looking into the mirror. When someone triggers us It’s easy to see someone as our mirror when that mirror shows us something nice. It can be amazingly uplifting when someone I admire wants to spend time with me. Although it touches upon my insecurity sometimes (‘Why would this person want to spend time with me?’) it is hard to stick to negative thinking too long. I must be nice to be …

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Freedom is not in saving others

Freedom

You can’t make anyone grow. You can’t even make yourself grow. The only thing you can really do is opening your heart. To all the pain, the intensity of life, the heartbreak, the sorrow and the thunder. To the joy, the laughter, the bliss and the ecstasy. You can never force life to bend. It will break. Life can only flow. Life is a current, and you can either swim against, or swim with it. It doesn’t mean you should float. Being passive isn’t going to bring you anywhere, just as only observing your feelings isn’t going to bring you anywhere. Invite. Allow. Join. The deepest thing you can reach is freedom. A free heart without conditionings and programs. You …

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How are you editing your life?

How do you edit your life?

As a writer they tell you to edit your writing by deleting at least thirty percent of the words you have written. Do you realize most of us do the same thing with our lives? We edit parts of our lives by hiding them, erasing them and forgetting about them all together. Sometimes it’s quite useful to let go of certain things. Think about biting nails or drawing pictures of colorful houses with crayons on the wallpaper of our parents’ living room. But we also edit precious parts of our lives. We erase things we love. Why? The castle metaphor My friend Jamie Catto often uses the metaphor of a castle in his workshops. He says that we are all …

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This Elusive Now

This elusive now

There are so many moments which are not now, and just this fraction of time ‘now’. Gone as soon as you realize it’s here. And in this continuum of now’s, passing by so swiftly, in the same time so much is happening! The whole world is happening within it. It’s tangible, yet elusive. Sometimes my thoughts drift away and it feels I missed a whole bunch of now’s. Sometimes so many people are expectant, disappointed, hopeful or happy in my presence that the now we share seems endless. Sometimes I feel there aren’t enough moments of now, and sometimes I can’t wait until the moments between me and a moment in the future have passed. Maybe it’s the only thing …

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How to attract amazing people into your life – three key factors

How to attract amazing people into your life – three key factors

Lately I have been feeling very grateful for the amazing people in my life. I work with some of the most inspiring teachers on this planet. I date gorgeous, talented men and women. I have awesome friends who love the same things as I do, like cuddling for hours, having deep conversations or singing mantras and making music. Even most of the people I randomly meet in the streets are wonderful and amazing. Random encounters turn into deep connections that last seconds or months. It hasn’t always been like that. On the contrary. For years I felt like I didn’t belong. The outcast that nobody understood or actually really liked. But also more recently I had lovers who weren’t honest …

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My contradictory life as an outgoing introvert (with an open relationship)

Outgoing introvert

I am that kind of person that needs a lot of time on her own. Endless walks in the forests, staring at clouds while dreaming of romantic love stories and simply sitting in a corner of a room, wrapped in a blanket with a pile of books and a jar of tea within reach are amongst my favorite pastimes. At the same time I love the company of people. Nothing beats dancing for hours with an ecstatic group of barefoot dancers surrounding me, or long and deep conversations with friends followed by long hugs. Am I an introvert or not? Because of my desires for both being alone and being surrounded by people, for many years I have been wondering …

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Can I have Slow Sex Please? – Four Important Insights I gained in Tantra

Can I have Slow Sex Please?

There is wine that you buy, just to buy wine. You quickly glance over the bottles and end up with a 5 liter box of cheap Merlot. Nothing wrong with that. The next time you spend even less time, heading for the same Merlot right away. You liked it last time, didn’t you? Sex can be like that Merlot, or like a slowly ripened, full bodied affair. Nothing wrong with a quickie, but there is so much more than the fast-and-easy fix for releasing tension, frustration or just that urge for a moment of sensory high. I like Slow Sex. These are some lessons I learned from practicing Tantra. I like diversity and exploration I like Merlot. But I also …

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Sex as a Path to Personal Growth

London Faerie and Wilrieke Sophia

There are many ways to get to know ourselves better. There are ways that are accepted, ways that are less accepted sand ways that are considered controversial. And maybe sex is the most controversial of them all. The naked truth How does it work then? Why is sex such a great pathway to personal growth? Isn’t it just a matter of lust or a biological urge for reproduction? Sure. There are a lot of pheromones, hormones and thousands of years of evolution involved in our reproductive habits. Sex as a tool to keep a species from extinction. But sex can be a tool for evolution on the base of an individual too. Sex can teach us about our weak spots, …

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Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

When talking about open relationships, polyamory or non-monogamy in general, a discussion point brought to the table often is that in monogamous relationship two people can go very deep, exploring each other completely, over a longer period of time, and with no distractions. Having multiple relationships, it is easy to spread your attention and keep connections on a shallow level of depth. Indeed, the largest pitfall I encounter having an open relationship is the temptation to avoid facing struggles and fear in the relationship with my partner, and finding support, satisfaction, attention  or whatever it is I desire and don’t get in the relationship elsewhere. But even when you’re not in a relationship, it’s easy to get lost in connecting …

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