My contradictory life as an outgoing introvert (with an open relationship)

Outgoing introvert

I am that kind of person that needs a lot of time on her own. Endless walks in the forests, staring at clouds while dreaming of romantic love stories and simply sitting in a corner of a room, wrapped in a blanket with a pile of books and a jar of tea within reach are amongst my favorite pastimes. At the same time I love the company of people. Nothing beats dancing for hours with an ecstatic group of barefoot dancers surrounding me, or long and deep conversations with friends followed by long hugs. Am I an introvert or not? Because of my desires for both being alone and being surrounded by people, for many years I have been wondering …

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Can I have Slow Sex Please? – Four Important Insights I gained in Tantra

Can I have Slow Sex Please?

There is wine that you buy, just to buy wine. You quickly glance over the bottles and end up with a 5 liter box of cheap Merlot. Nothing wrong with that. The next time you spend even less time, heading for the same Merlot right away. You liked it last time, didn’t you? Sex can be like that Merlot, or like a slowly ripened, full bodied affair. Nothing wrong with a quickie, but there is so much more than the fast-and-easy fix for releasing tension, frustration or just that urge for a moment of sensory high. I like Slow Sex. These are some lessons I learned from practicing Tantra. I like diversity and exploration I like Merlot. But I also …

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Sex as a Path to Personal Growth

London Faerie and Wilrieke Sophia

There are many ways to get to know ourselves better. There are ways that are accepted, ways that are less accepted sand ways that are considered controversial. And maybe sex is the most controversial of them all. The naked truth How does it work then? Why is sex such a great pathway to personal growth? Isn’t it just a matter of lust or a biological urge for reproduction? Sure. There are a lot of pheromones, hormones and thousands of years of evolution involved in our reproductive habits. Sex as a tool to keep a species from extinction. But sex can be a tool for evolution on the base of an individual too. Sex can teach us about our weak spots, …

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Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

Love addiction: When an (open) relationship becomes an attempt to fill a void

When talking about open relationships, polyamory or non-monogamy in general, a discussion point brought to the table often is that in monogamous relationship two people can go very deep, exploring each other completely, over a longer period of time, and with no distractions. Having multiple relationships, it is easy to spread your attention and keep connections on a shallow level of depth. Indeed, the largest pitfall I encounter having an open relationship is the temptation to avoid facing struggles and fear in the relationship with my partner, and finding support, satisfaction, attention  or whatever it is I desire and don’t get in the relationship elsewhere. But even when you’re not in a relationship, it’s easy to get lost in connecting …

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Three years into my open relationship – the lessons I’ve learned

Three years into my open relationship

In October 2012 my partner and I decided to open up our, until then, monogamous relationship. We had been talking and fantasizing about our feelings for over a year. Now we were ready to take the plunge. Why I chose to have an open relationship When my partner and I met, we were in our early twenties. We embarked on a journey which was my first long-term relationship. His second after a relationship of a year and a half. We both had our adventures with people. And now we found each other in something that felt like a relationship that would last a long time. Would that mean we would never flirt with others again? Never kiss, let alone make …

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(Poem #16) I am the Observer

The Observer

Feelings raging through No beginning or end No reasons or explanation Like the stillness in the eye of the storm I am the observer.   Tears streaming Shoulders shaking A smile breaks through Like the sun in a June morning – always present I am the observer.   Insecurity screaming Doubts wondering Who am I To me be Yet here I am I am the observer.   Distractions tempting Seeking confirmation Of existence Like a little child, wanting to be let in I am the observer.   Deep inside Where nothing ever changes Holding space For everything That’s where I am I am the observer.

The Unexpected (emotional) Side Effects of Crowdfunding

The Unexpected (emotional) Side Effects of Crowdfunding

I launched crowdfunding campaign. You might have noticed it. I did expect reactions from people. People who would want to help out, and people who wouldn’t. But I didn’t expect that much reaction from inside me. Is this desire allowed? It all started with a desire. In my case, a desire for space for my own. Our house is small. We have three kids packed in one room, a tiny work space that my partner, his computer and administration files occupy. My space is a desk in the living room. The same living room where my kids play and fight and where people come and go. I’m the kind of person who needs time and space alone to stay sane. …

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The Ritual Cacao Ceremony

Cacao ceremony

Who doesn’t love chocolate? The combination of cacao, dance and a mind-expanding experience must be one of the most luscious things I can think of. I also love how plants and other natural substances can give us insights that we usually can’t reach. I call them imprints: once you felt them, you will always be able to reconnect to a certain feeling and apply it in new situations. I never tried ritual doses of theobromine, the active compound of chocolate. Raw cacao in ritual doses is celebrated for its capacities to open hearts and supports transformation through self-love. Raw cacao is also a powerful antioxidant, enhances the immune system, lowers the risk of heart disease, lowers high cholesterol and blood …

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Men: Why she hates your messages – the brutal truth

Why she hates your messages

This article is based upon my experiences with men contacting me. It’s absolutely generalized. I challenge you read it and to feel what touches you. Do you recognize my experiences? Do you feel triggered or offended? See the next paragraphs as my present to you. I tell you what works for me and the wise, strong, gorgeous women I see around me. Let these paragraphs penetrate you. Is this about you? Keeping violation intact through silence Too many women are silent when they feel offended by men, as well as I’m sure there are men feeling offended by women or other men and keeping their mouths tightly shut. By being silent we keep the vicious circle of hurtful communication and …

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Do you fake your pleasure?

Do you fake your pleasure?

Humans are innate pleasers, always ready to put an effort into pleasing others. We laugh at jokes that aren’t funny to not embarrass the speaker, we kiss our cologne-smelling aunties on the cheek and we keep going to birthdays of people we don’t even like. Our sex life is no exception. Research shows that 70% of the women and 30% of men fake orgasms. But I believe that all of us fake pleasure in sex in a much more subtle way. The approval addiction Humans are addicts for love and attention. Without approval, many of us feel insecure, unloved and lonely. The amount of approval we need varies from a little to constant approval-seeking. How did we end up this …

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