Kambo – My Journey with the Frog (part 2)

Kambo frog

You can read about my First Journey with the Frog in this article. The longing to travel again with Kambo resided lingering in the back of my mind. But my horse died, my business asked a lot and there was a lot in general to deal with. Until two friends I have known for years and who had been involved in shamanic ceremonies for ages, invited me for a Kambo ceremony at their place. At cycling distance from my little house in the forest. On a sunny Sunday where my agenda was wide open and empty. Spontaneously I decided to join. The thing with entheogens like Kambo or Ayahuasca is that you always get what you need, not necessarily what …

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Owning Fear

Owning Fear

When you fear something, it can be tempting not to deal with it by yourself, i.e. to ‘leak’ fear onto others. When we talk about what scares us, do we actually cry for help? Are we leaning onto another, hoping they are a hero, saving us from despair? Maybe we seek recognition for our feelings. Whatever it is we do, we depend on others to get away from our fears. But there’s an invitation. An invitation to embrace fear and keep it. Not to hold it tight forever, but to take responsibility for our fears, to deal with them within ourselves, standing on our own legs. Does that mean we cannot ask for support, safety or empathy? No, we can. …

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The emotional and spiritual benefits of deepthroating

Deepthroating

She looked up at the man standing in front of her. His eyes were filled with predator-like desire. She allowed her eyes to linger over his bare chest, following the trail of dark hairs from his belly button into his jeans. With a strong hand under her chin he lifted her head, locked her eyes with his gaze. Without losing eye-contact, he slowly unbuttoned his fly with his other hand. She could feel the heat coming from his groins, as she sat on her knees only centimeters away from his cock. He lowered his pants slowly until his cock sprung out, touching her lips. “Open your mouth”, he said. She licked her lips, lubricating her mouth as she was well …

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Does this process of personal growth make my life easier?

Personal Growth

So, does this life of investing in personal growth, facing fears, embracing all emotions, letting go of insecurities and things in general and all of that make me a happier person? No. Not in the general accepted sense of the word. Does it make my life easier then? Neither. Lots of people define the quality of their life by the amount of happines and joy they perceive. But that would be accepting only part of the spectrum. You want something, but you actually only want half of it. It’s like wanting to go on holiday and only accepting the days that the sun shines, and cursing when it rains. It’s like wanting pizza and cursing the crust. All the processes …

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The Noble Art of Surrender

Unconditional self love

I think the most beautiful form of art that we can master, is the art of surrender. Of letting go of resistance and accepting circumstances and inner movement on a deep level. We might not always be able to choose the events happening in our lives. But we can choose how to deal with them. Even in the most painful moments beauty is to be found. The heart cracking open, time after time. Love isn’t the only key to your heart. Sadness, grief, despair and bliss are keys too. And when you notice they all open the same doors, that only resistance is the gate-keeper with armor and an angry face, then you can kindly ask resistance to step aside …

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Poem #17: It’s Okay – Today

Hey love, It’s okay – today. While the tears wash clean your face And your smile breaks open your heart Realize. There’s nothing you haven’t done Or have to do That got you – right here. Believe. While sometimes everything seems to crumble Or falls apart Again – Contemplate. It’s not the end, and even if it is It’s just the end We all get there someday Right? But until then and only then This is the live that we create, that we choose Ourselves. And it’s okay – today and tomorrow and then again When the sun comes up Remember. It’s all you and it has nothing to do with you Life living itself and we Passengers. Swimming against …

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Who is the Trump in my life putting pipelines in my holy ground?

There are things I write to publish, but more often I write to process. Sometimes things happen that rummage the peace in my head. And sometimes, certain things happen that create a domino effect. It’s like that one piece of the puzzle that suddenly shows the full picture, even if some pieces are still missing. Sometimes it feels like my insides look like a golf course where the wild boars had a feast. The carefully tended grass is ruined, but the roots underneath are visible now. And not just the roots, but also the seeds of beautiful flowers that never came to sprout because the grass was suffocating them, are now visible. Vulnerable. But they are there. Hesitantly the seeds …

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Being Afraid is a Very Human Thing

Some weeks ago I wasn’t feeling too good. I was tired, couldn’t concentrate, had massive headaches and felt nauseous most days. When complaints like that last for more than just a few days, I like to see my doctor and see if we can exclude physical causes. I have the most lovely doctor who knows about factors in my life that can influence my health, like the non-monogamous lifestyle (although I am always very careful, STD’s are a realistic risk), barefoot walking in the forest (oh, the ticks), eating almost vegan and also about my break up. As we both expected, my body is super healthy. No vitamin deficits. No diseases. No inflammations of any kinds. So probably the complaints …

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Prayer to the Younger One

Prayer to the Young One

By the time you find love, you may have grown old and grey, and you might look back at your life, wanting you realized so much earlier, when your hair was still bright with color, that the quests for love that you’ve undertaken were fruitless from the beginning. You might wish you could regain all the time, frustration, sorrow and resources you spent on finding love, for now you now it was all wasted. You might wish you wouldn’t have pushed so hard, ran so fast, or believed that there would always be something ‘better’. Better than what? You might wish you’ve had a different life. Breathing a bit more deeply. Enjoying a bit more fully. Experiencing all the sensations …

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Can I be polyamorous and single?

Polyamorous and single

Of course you can. Or at least that’s my opinion. Probably there will be bunches of people no agreeing with me there. And there are many nuances probably. To be able to answer this question for yourself in more than four words, you would have to figure out what polyamory is for you. Is polyamory a sexual orientation? If polyamory is a sexual orientation, just as being gay is considered a sexual orientation, than yes, you can say you are polyamorous, no matter what your relationship status is. Whether you are single, have one lover or a whole harem, you will always be polyamorous. Is polyamory a relationship form? To me, this approach is completely valid, especially if you feel …

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