(Video) What is Emotional Availability Anyway?

The false belief that women don’t like sex (and the ones who do are scary)

In my last article, I spoke about being tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men. I received many questions about the topic. What do I want from men? Is it all his fault? And most of all: what does it mean, to be emotionally available of unavailable? To me, emotional unavailability is not, like, a judgment towards this particular man (and men before him). But a mismatch in what our desires are when it comes to emotional/physical/etc availability. And that mismatch, because I wanted more than he, felt like a lack/unavailability to me. What I want to say, is that the amount of availability we all need differs and that it can feel like unavailability to the one with the larger desire …

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(Video) I’m so Tired of Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

Tired of Attracting Emotional Unavailable Men

Originally posted on Elephant Journal. Dear Lover, Or should I say former lover? Ex-lover? I thought that when I let go of you, I was letting go of love: Of that luscious feeling of being held in a warm blanket of never-ending cuddles and soft, smooching kisses, of butterflies, and feeling as blissful as I did looking into your eyes. But you know what happened? It feels like I lifted those rose-tinted glasses from my eyes and see the world more like it is: You and me as the people who we are in this moment—and not the fantasy I had of who we could be together. It happens, right? That when two people meet they only see the beauty in each other. …

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Dear Lover (Letter to my Beloved)

Dear Lover

Dear Lover, Please allow me to bare my naked soul for you – once again. As we dive deep into this connection of body, mind and all that comes with it, it’s easy to get lost in projections and ideas. Assuming that we both want the same – but do we? When words are unspoken and unwritten, we can believe we know what’s going around in each other’s heads as if we were one. But we are not, and I hope we never will be. Because I would love to get lost with you, though never want to lose myself in you. See, I don’t need that prince who comes to save me. I don’t want that King who caresses …

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Let There Be Spaces in Your Togetherness

Togetherness

Let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but each one of you be alone – even as the strings of a lute are alone though the quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not in each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: …

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We Cannot Gain or Loose Anything From Others

Often we are as afraid to let someone in close, as to let someone go. I guess neither have to do anything with the other person. There’s both a longing and a fear of feeling deeply – of being touched deeply. But in essence, there is nothing we can ever gain or loose through connecting with another person. The only thing ‘real’ in life is our experience. The movie created that we perceive through our senses. But everything we perceive, we experience *inside* us. There’s no external experience. Think about it: when you see, touch, hear or smell something, where do you exactly experience it? And so other people are mirrors. Reminders. They remind us of what we long for, …

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Owning Fear

Owning Fear

When you fear something, it can be tempting not to deal with it by yourself, i.e. to ‘leak’ fear onto others. When we talk about what scares us, do we actually cry for help? Are we leaning onto another, hoping they are a hero, saving us from despair? Maybe we seek recognition for our feelings. Whatever it is we do, we depend on others to get away from our fears. But there’s an invitation. An invitation to embrace fear and keep it. Not to hold it tight forever, but to take responsibility for our fears, to deal with them within ourselves, standing on our own legs. Does that mean we cannot ask for support, safety or empathy? No, we can. …

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Who is the Trump in my life putting pipelines in my holy ground?

There are things I write to publish, but more often I write to process. Sometimes things happen that rummage the peace in my head. And sometimes, certain things happen that create a domino effect. It’s like that one piece of the puzzle that suddenly shows the full picture, even if some pieces are still missing. Sometimes it feels like my insides look like a golf course where the wild boars had a feast. The carefully tended grass is ruined, but the roots underneath are visible now. And not just the roots, but also the seeds of beautiful flowers that never came to sprout because the grass was suffocating them, are now visible. Vulnerable. But they are there. Hesitantly the seeds …

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Prayer to the Younger One

Prayer to the Young One

By the time you find love, you may have grown old and grey, and you might look back at your life, wanting you realized so much earlier, when your hair was still bright with color, that the quests for love that you’ve undertaken were fruitless from the beginning. You might wish you could regain all the time, frustration, sorrow and resources you spent on finding love, for now you now it was all wasted. You might wish you wouldn’t have pushed so hard, ran so fast, or believed that there would always be something ‘better’. Better than what? You might wish you’ve had a different life. Breathing a bit more deeply. Enjoying a bit more fully. Experiencing all the sensations …

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Can I be polyamorous and single?

Polyamorous and single

Of course you can. Or at least that’s my opinion. Probably there will be bunches of people no agreeing with me there. And there are many nuances probably. To be able to answer this question for yourself in more than four words, you would have to figure out what polyamory is for you. Is polyamory a sexual orientation? If polyamory is a sexual orientation, just as being gay is considered a sexual orientation, than yes, you can say you are polyamorous, no matter what your relationship status is. Whether you are single, have one lover or a whole harem, you will always be polyamorous. Is polyamory a relationship form? To me, this approach is completely valid, especially if you feel …

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Post break-up: are all my problems solved now?

Emotions after a break-up

I really believed that a break-up would be like a magical point in time where everything would be different after it. Partly that appeared to be true. All the immense fears that I thought I would have to face, didn’t raise their heads. On the contrary: I encountered a deep foundation of inner trust and self-love. On the other hand, the break-up didn’t change a lot of things. There are still the same patterns between me and him. Maybe they are even stronger, as there is nothing to save anymore. And yes, after living in one house for nine years, being single gets lonely sometimes…  

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