The Problems of a Career based on a Life Purpose

Not so long ago we didn’t have many options when it came to having a career. I guess the word ‘career’ itself wasn’t very well-known. Career. Boys just became what their father was or were sent to a master to learn a craft. Girls found a caring position, either as mother or servant. There were not too many options and although I guess enough people were unhappy with their fate, you did what you had to do. The Shift: Choosing from the Mind Things changed. Education became more widely available. Social classes became less visible and education was open for everyone, until the son of the doctor sat next to the son of the butcher. And then women were also …

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Does this process of personal growth make my life easier?

Personal Growth

So, does this life of investing in personal growth, facing fears, embracing all emotions, letting go of insecurities and things in general and all of that make me a happier person? No. Not in the general accepted sense of the word. Does it make my life easier then? Neither. Lots of people define the quality of their life by the amount of happines and joy they perceive. But that would be accepting only part of the spectrum. You want something, but you actually only want half of it. It’s like wanting to go on holiday and only accepting the days that the sun shines, and cursing when it rains. It’s like wanting pizza and cursing the crust. All the processes …

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The Noble Art of Surrender

Unconditional self love

I think the most beautiful form of art that we can master, is the art of surrender. Of letting go of resistance and accepting circumstances and inner movement on a deep level. We might not always be able to choose the events happening in our lives. But we can choose how to deal with them. Even in the most painful moments beauty is to be found. The heart cracking open, time after time. Love isn’t the only key to your heart. Sadness, grief, despair and bliss are keys too. And when you notice they all open the same doors, that only resistance is the gate-keeper with armor and an angry face, then you can kindly ask resistance to step aside …

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Poem #17: It’s Okay – Today

Hey love, It’s okay – today. While the tears wash clean your face And your smile breaks open your heart Realize. There’s nothing you haven’t done Or have to do That got you – right here. Believe. While sometimes everything seems to crumble Or falls apart Again – Contemplate. It’s not the end, and even if it is It’s just the end We all get there someday Right? But until then and only then This is the live that we create, that we choose Ourselves. And it’s okay – today and tomorrow and then again When the sun comes up Remember. It’s all you and it has nothing to do with you Life living itself and we Passengers. Swimming against …

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Who is the Trump in my life putting pipelines in my holy ground?

There are things I write to publish, but more often I write to process. Sometimes things happen that rummage the peace in my head. And sometimes, certain things happen that create a domino effect. It’s like that one piece of the puzzle that suddenly shows the full picture, even if some pieces are still missing. Sometimes it feels like my insides look like a golf course where the wild boars had a feast. The carefully tended grass is ruined, but the roots underneath are visible now. And not just the roots, but also the seeds of beautiful flowers that never came to sprout because the grass was suffocating them, are now visible. Vulnerable. But they are there. Hesitantly the seeds …

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Can I be polyamorous and single?

Polyamorous and single

Of course you can. Or at least that’s my opinion. Probably there will be bunches of people no agreeing with me there. And there are many nuances probably. To be able to answer this question for yourself in more than four words, you would have to figure out what polyamory is for you. Is polyamory a sexual orientation? If polyamory is a sexual orientation, just as being gay is considered a sexual orientation, than yes, you can say you are polyamorous, no matter what your relationship status is. Whether you are single, have one lover or a whole harem, you will always be polyamorous. Is polyamory a relationship form? To me, this approach is completely valid, especially if you feel …

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Post break-up: are all my problems solved now?

Emotions after a break-up

I really believed that a break-up would be like a magical point in time where everything would be different after it. Partly that appeared to be true. All the immense fears that I thought I would have to face, didn’t raise their heads. On the contrary: I encountered a deep foundation of inner trust and self-love. On the other hand, the break-up didn’t change a lot of things. There are still the same patterns between me and him. Maybe they are even stronger, as there is nothing to save anymore. And yes, after living in one house for nine years, being single gets lonely sometimes…  

Ending a long-term relationship – 30 days later

Ending a long term relationship – 30 days later

Today it is exactly one month ago that my partner and I decided to break up. We were in a temporary break for two months, after a relationship of almost nine years, including three kids. As the relationship wasn’t serving either of us anymore, we decided to break up. A delicate process of unraveling a lot of patterns, dependencies, projections and assumptions. And not just between my now ex-partner and I, but also between the outer world and I. Patterns in reactions I guess a similar thing happens in all major events in a human life. When a baby is born, when someone has a cold or when a relative dies, we always ask the same questions, or come up …

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Did polyamory kill my relationship?

Did polyamory kill my relationship?

We were the perfect open-relationship-couple for years, being featured on television shows, in magazines and interviews. We proclaimed that jealousy is a teacher on the way, that fear is nothing to be afraid of and that the more people we love, the more love flows. We broke up. And now questions are formed that can be summarized in this question: is this break up proof that non-monogamy doesn’t work? No. I ask you: does a divorce mean that marriage doesn’t work? No. Of course not. The single reason for this break up is that this relationship was doomed from the beginning. Alternative lifestyle shaming When people are living an alternative lifestyle, it’s easy to blame everything that goes wrong on …

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Taking responsibility vs. taking things too personally

Taking responsibility

When you look into a mirror, do you blame the mirror if you don’t like what you see? When you look at a person, do you blame them for how you feel? It’s easy to point a finger to someone else when your reality doesn’t please you. But is it them? Did they cause how you’re feeling? Or were they merely a trigger to something much bigger, something totally unrelated to this moment and this person? It’s an amazing trait to be able to take responsibility for one’s own feelings. To own the traumas and pain that is being touched in the current moment. To even be thankful for the person connecting you to this again and for being a …

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