(Video) What is Emotional Availability Anyway?

The false belief that women don’t like sex (and the ones who do are scary)

In my last article, I spoke about being tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men. I received many questions about the topic. What do I want from men? Is it all his fault? And most of all: what does it mean, to be emotionally available of unavailable? To me, emotional unavailability is not, like, a judgment towards this particular man (and men before him). But a mismatch in what our desires are when it comes to emotional/physical/etc availability. And that mismatch, because I wanted more than he, felt like a lack/unavailability to me. What I want to say, is that the amount of availability we all need differs and that it can feel like unavailability to the one with the larger desire …

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(Video) I’m so Tired of Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

Tired of Attracting Emotional Unavailable Men

Originally posted on Elephant Journal. Dear Lover, Or should I say former lover? Ex-lover? I thought that when I let go of you, I was letting go of love: Of that luscious feeling of being held in a warm blanket of never-ending cuddles and soft, smooching kisses, of butterflies, and feeling as blissful as I did looking into your eyes. But you know what happened? It feels like I lifted those rose-tinted glasses from my eyes and see the world more like it is: You and me as the people who we are in this moment—and not the fantasy I had of who we could be together. It happens, right? That when two people meet they only see the beauty in each other. …

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Unlocking Your Potential

Unlocking Your Potential

Two and a half day of a clear schedule. No kids, no sessions, no workshops, but for me in my little refuge to work on creative new ideas I had. A rarity and I was looking forward to it a lot. I made myself a cup of tea, grabbed all my colored pens and a large white sheet of paper, sat down, and nothing happened. Well, some things did happen: my body felt a bit tensed. My shoulders hunched, and my mind was both pushing me start ‘being productive’ as well as trying to find any possible distraction. Automatically I grabbed my phone, as an almost unconscious voice in my head told me my friend might have sent me that …

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How Many of Your Friends Did You See – Naked?

Naked

Naked. Think about it: How many of your dearest friends have seen you naked? Of how many of your closest friends to you know if they have a soft skin? Or moles on their bellies, or freckles of their shoulders? How many of your closest family members have you seen naked? Do you know the shape of their breasts, or where they have hair? Have you ever seen their scars? Do you even know how they really feel about their bodies? Have you ever held them really close? Have you ever been held by them really close? I’m glowing right now. The afterglow of an evening with three friends, where we massaged each other. Six hands on one body. Naked. …

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We Cannot Gain or Loose Anything From Others

Often we are as afraid to let someone in close, as to let someone go. I guess neither have to do anything with the other person. There’s both a longing and a fear of feeling deeply – of being touched deeply. But in essence, there is nothing we can ever gain or loose through connecting with another person. The only thing ‘real’ in life is our experience. The movie created that we perceive through our senses. But everything we perceive, we experience *inside* us. There’s no external experience. Think about it: when you see, touch, hear or smell something, where do you exactly experience it? And so other people are mirrors. Reminders. They remind us of what we long for, …

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Owning Fear

Owning Fear

When you fear something, it can be tempting not to deal with it by yourself, i.e. to ‘leak’ fear onto others. When we talk about what scares us, do we actually cry for help? Are we leaning onto another, hoping they are a hero, saving us from despair? Maybe we seek recognition for our feelings. Whatever it is we do, we depend on others to get away from our fears. But there’s an invitation. An invitation to embrace fear and keep it. Not to hold it tight forever, but to take responsibility for our fears, to deal with them within ourselves, standing on our own legs. Does that mean we cannot ask for support, safety or empathy? No, we can. …

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The emotional and spiritual benefits of deepthroating

Deepthroating

She looked up at the man standing in front of her. His eyes were filled with predator-like desire. She allowed her eyes to linger over his bare chest, following the trail of dark hairs from his belly button into his jeans. With a strong hand under her chin he lifted her head, locked her eyes with his gaze. Without losing eye-contact, he slowly unbuttoned his fly with his other hand. She could feel the heat coming from his groins, as she sat on her knees only centimeters away from his cock. He lowered his pants slowly until his cock sprung out, touching her lips. “Open your mouth”, he said. She licked her lips, lubricating her mouth as she was well …

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The Problems of a Career based on a Life Purpose

Not so long ago we didn’t have many options when it came to having a career. I guess the word ‘career’ itself wasn’t very well-known. Career. Boys just became what their father was or were sent to a master to learn a craft. Girls found a caring position, either as mother or servant. There were not too many options and although I guess enough people were unhappy with their fate, you did what you had to do. The Shift: Choosing from the Mind Things changed. Education became more widely available. Social classes became less visible and education was open for everyone, until the son of the doctor sat next to the son of the butcher. And then women were also …

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Does this process of personal growth make my life easier?

Personal Growth

So, does this life of investing in personal growth, facing fears, embracing all emotions, letting go of insecurities and things in general and all of that make me a happier person? No. Not in the general accepted sense of the word. Does it make my life easier then? Neither. Lots of people define the quality of their life by the amount of happines and joy they perceive. But that would be accepting only part of the spectrum. You want something, but you actually only want half of it. It’s like wanting to go on holiday and only accepting the days that the sun shines, and cursing when it rains. It’s like wanting pizza and cursing the crust. All the processes …

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Who is the Trump in my life putting pipelines in my holy ground?

There are things I write to publish, but more often I write to process. Sometimes things happen that rummage the peace in my head. And sometimes, certain things happen that create a domino effect. It’s like that one piece of the puzzle that suddenly shows the full picture, even if some pieces are still missing. Sometimes it feels like my insides look like a golf course where the wild boars had a feast. The carefully tended grass is ruined, but the roots underneath are visible now. And not just the roots, but also the seeds of beautiful flowers that never came to sprout because the grass was suffocating them, are now visible. Vulnerable. But they are there. Hesitantly the seeds …

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