(Video) What is Emotional Availability Anyway?

The false belief that women don’t like sex (and the ones who do are scary)

In my last article, I spoke about being tired of attracting emotionally unavailable men. I received many questions about the topic. What do I want from men? Is it all his fault? And most of all: what does it mean, to be emotionally available of unavailable? To me, emotional unavailability is not, like, a judgment towards this particular man (and men before him). But a mismatch in what our desires are when it comes to emotional/physical/etc availability. And that mismatch, because I wanted more than he, felt like a lack/unavailability to me. What I want to say, is that the amount of availability we all need differs and that it can feel like unavailability to the one with the larger desire …

Continue reading

Post break-up: are all my problems solved now?

Emotions after a break-up

I really believed that a break-up would be like a magical point in time where everything would be different after it. Partly that appeared to be true. All the immense fears that I thought I would have to face, didn’t raise their heads. On the contrary: I encountered a deep foundation of inner trust and self-love. On the other hand, the break-up didn’t change a lot of things. There are still the same patterns between me and him. Maybe they are even stronger, as there is nothing to save anymore. And yes, after living in one house for nine years, being single gets lonely sometimes…   Please follow and like us:

Continue reading

Why I don’t try to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity.

Why I try not to get rid of neediness, fear or insecurity. And why you shouldn't too.

And why you shouldn’t too. When I am going through processes of growth, some days are better than others. On good days it’s often not so difficult to love myself. But when days are tougher, and I feel a longing for connection with, or approval from others. I feel needy, afraid and insecure. On top of that i feel judgment: i shouldn’t feel like this. i should be beyond this, I’ve dealt with this. I want to get rid of what I feel. That’s the most counterproductive strategy of dealing with what is going on inside me. I this video I share, on a tough day, how I deal with myself. Please follow and like us:

Continue reading

How a detox can increase food addiction

Food addiction

I have been experimenting with nutritional supplements and doing a detox over the last weeks. One of my intentions for doing this detox, was breaking with my eating addictions. I hoped that staying away from sugar, wheat (carbs altogether) and fat for 21 days would rewire my brain into an addictive free, relaxed state. Partly it did. The cravings were still there, but they felt soft and I could handle them well most of the time. I knew I wouldn’t give into them, as I promised myself to fulfill these 21 days. But towards day 21, cravings increased. My mind found openings and options inside the challenge where I could give into the cravings. I had a conscious and very …

Continue reading

How a binge during my detox made me love myself more

Detox challenge

Confession time. I had a huge binge on chocolate last night. During my detox. Over the last days I felt how little things made me feel like a loser. I was constantly subconsciously shaming myself for feeling hungry, for making my yugh-shakes into something that tasted quite alright with some stevia, cinnamon and cocoa. I was silently judging my cravings for sweets and nuts. Last night I was tired of being so tough towards myself. For 20 days I had been eating nothing but kale and other green veggies. And those proteine shakes. It was enough. So I challenged myself lovingly: ‘If you will go for sweets tonight babe, can you do that without feeling guilty? Can you enjoy it? …

Continue reading

Do you take enough care of yourself?

Unlimited self-care

When was the last time you watched a movie during daytime without feeling guilty? When did you cook a delicious meal, just for yourself? When did you take enough me-time, even if it was triple the time you told yourself you needed? It’s so easy to cut back our self-care. But how can we take care of others when we don’t take care of ourslves first? Check my video and discover my today’s not-so-guilty pleasure of self-care 🙂 [youtube=https://youtu.be/aCXx0zWZ440] Please follow and like us:

Continue reading

Do you need to have it all?

Do you need to have it all?

Can you smell a delicious dish and not eat it? Can you enjoy an intense hug without needing to kiss her? Can you enjoy kissing her without needing to have sex? Can you have sex without needing an orgasm? So often we are one step ahead in our head, not being present in this current moment. We forget to enjoy what is in front of us, what we have, and trade it for thoughts of how it could be better, leaving us unfulfilled and dissatisfied. Try it today: be present with what is there. If you find your thoughts moving to the next step, smile at yourself, acknowledge your longing, and see if you can let go. It just might …

Continue reading

Detox week 1 – What cravings for cashew nuts teach me about life

Craving for cashews

Sixth day into my detox challenge and of eating 500 kcal (vegan, no fat, no carbs) a day and having the worst cravings so far. I want chocolate, that cheese I see every time I open the fridge and most of al cashew nuts. It’s so easy to get completely lost in feeling hungry and craving food. And although the craving is different, the situation is so similar to when I get lost in emotions like fear or insecurity. The problem (‘I can’t have the food I want’) feels lethal. It’s like the whole world turns around this sole thing, and I will never ever be happy again unless something outside me gives me what I need. When I ran away …

Continue reading

Polyamory: Should I start with a monogamous relationship? (Video)

Whats the best foundation for polyamory

“Do I need to build a foundation as a monogamous couple before I open my relationship, or can we have an open relationship right from the start?” It’s a common question for people who want to explore open relationships, or polyamory, when they are about to start a new relationship. I believe either way can work: building a foundation as a monogamous couple, or having an open relationship right from the start. Both ways have their pro’s and con’s. In my experience, starting right away with an open relationship makes it easier to set the other person free, as I knew being intimately involved with others was part of the game plan from the beginning. On the other hand, learning …

Continue reading

Whiskey and chocolate for breakfast – part 2 (video)

Wisdom of the forest

After a three day retreat with my friend in England, being seculded in his cozy house, surrounded by fresh fruit, chocolate, tea and whiskey, I’m walking at the Hampstead Heath. The sun is shining and the trees are stunning. The last months have majorly confused me. Old beliefs have shaken loose. I thought I was sure about what I wanted, only to realise I was basically following expectations of others. This week of being out of my daily life gives me an opportunity to -sort of- look at myself from a distance. Realizing what I desire. I forgot that I love to nose through old bookstores. I forgot that I love crystals, pulling cards and other witchy stuff. I forgot …

Continue reading